Blackpool Council finally acknowledge P-Diddy name change

A spoof news story in the stye of the Daily Mash...

Blackpool Council have finally recognised rapper Puff Daddy's 2001 name change to P. Diddy, it was announced last night.

The seaside town, which in 2008 lifted a 44-year ban on Rolling Stones concerts, has struck another bold progressive move which is sure to appeal to holidaymakers.

Council leader Julian Cook said, “The town of Blackpool has long held P. Diddy's career and music close to its hearts. We finally accept Mr. Diddy's name change and extend the hand of friendship skywards towards this colossus of 1990s rap music.”

With the local team reaching the dreamland of the Premier League, the town has been quick to capitalise. A new Travelodge, styled after the Ryugyong Hotel in North Korea, occupies half of the town centre.

The new Travelodge features £9 rooms and free kebab breakfasts

Meanwhile, an exciting theme park dedicated to axed TV show London's Burning opened last month, featuring a display of firemen's helmets and actual fire. Council chiefs compensated for the enforced closure of the local hospital by commissioning 1,100 identical statues of Shabba Ranks to adorn the seafront.

“Puff sums up everything great about this town,” agreed local newspaper-seller Tom Logan. “Like Blackpool, he suffers from a besmirched reputation, delivers a below-par end product and has a shameless desire for as much cash as possible.

“But the man shifts units. In time I am sure he will usurp the Krankies and Daniel O’Donnell and become a big summer draw to boost the town's coffers. And while we do miss that hospital, at least now the council's announcement demonstrates they have a slight grasp on reality. It's not much, but it's there, like the faint flickering pulse of life from a coma patient.”

The news was greeted with impromptu binge drinking and violence up and down the Fylde coast, whilst local schools and employers have declared Sunday a holiday, which it was anyway. P. Diddy himself was absent from the festivities, but Blackpool Council were quick to stress the significance of the development.

“Although Mr. Diddy has never to the council's knowledge visited Blackpool,” said Mr. Cook, “and may not be aware in his sphere of knowledge that we actually exist, in a symbolic sense this town is his real home. We gave birth to the Nolans, we gave birth to the lead singer from Jethro Tull, and by God we gave birth to P. Diddy.

“Ridiculous accusations that this is in fact some kind of vain attempt by us to engineer more press coverage for our dilapidated and dangerous resort could not be further from the truth. Although they're probably correct.

“Can I have some money now?” he added.